To be fair I will say that my life has definitely improved since last September (and not just because I gained entrance to bars.) My three and a half year relationshit ended on rather terrible terms. I cried, I protested, I did the whole depression thing. But I came out of it feeling so much stronger than I did the entire time we dated. I found myself actually having fun and enjoying being successful. I rediscovered what a social life was. When I cut that 170 lb dead weight off I actually lost 30 real pounds. I finally felt my age instead of acting like an old married lady. I made new friends, found other people who were interested in me. I just didn't stay happy.
Not to say that I'm unhappy. I'm incredibly happy with my freedom now. I applied for my dream school for grad school. I can go out after a long day at work or a particularly stressful week at school and not feel guilty. My only problem is that now that I've found my freedom as an adult(ish) woman my best friends have already passed this point. I feel like we did everything backwards. I was the "committed relationship" friend whilst everyone else went out and had fun. Three of my best friends are in serious relationships now and another moved across the world to find life on her own. Why am I still stuck here? I want to get out and explore the world. I want to fall in love with someone who loves me just as much. I want to start life and not feel like a little kid anymore.
I know that I'm "still young" and "have plenty of time for that" and all that crap that people say to make you feel better. I get the pity stares and the gentle comments but they're all crap. I'm not sad about being without him. I'm sad about never really experiencing love. I'm sad about having the life that my friends once had, a life of shared happiness, and having it all just go away. I just want someone to be on the same page as me for once.
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